Posted in Spill Out

[9] Something I Always Think “What If…” About

If there is something I always think “what if…” about, it will be “What if I am a boy?”

I still remember in my childhood, I always wore T-shirt, short pants, and sandals every day. I refused to wear skirts except for school uniform. I kept my hair short and it made me even look like a boy.

One time, I went to a warung bakso (meatball stall) in front of my house. Still in my elementary school uniform, I went to buy a portion of noodle and meatball. This was the first time I visited the stall with my uniform. When I arrived at the stall, the owner immediately said: “Hey, you are a boy! You can’t use girl’s uniform to school! Does your mom know you wear a girl’s uniform?”

It turned out, for years, the owner of that stall believed that I am a boy. I explained to him that I am a girl and guess what? He refused to believe me. It was funny though. He even asked my mom if I really am a girl. LOL. It’s not only that time. It happened several times. Well, at school, I prefer to play with boys than girls. Too much drama in girls’ friendship, that was I thought at that time.

I thought a lot about it.

What if I am not a boy? How would it be different if I am a boy?

If I am a boy, that would be super cool. Less problem than a girl. Not moody, no a sudden no-talk/hate thing, and have more freedom to do anything I would like.

How about now? Do I still want to become a boy?

If I have a second chance to restart my life? Yes, I would love to.
For my life now? I think I am satisfied with my current condition.

But then, there is no harm in keep thinking about “What if I am a boy?”

See you tomorrow!



dreamer, learner, thinker

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